Thoughts of my imperfection make me really squirm. I look at others and assume their lives are better than mine. They have more money, they have more comfort and happiness, they have work that makes them come alive. These thoughts can easily ramp up my feelings of anxiety about MY life.
This is especially true as I wait for the results from my Practitioners written exam. I know I have classmates that will soar through the test and get high marks. And I worry that my "less than perfect" answers will label me as a fraud.
So, I sit with anxiety and wonder why I have these feelings. It's kind of fascinating how this feeling shows up now.
As I was doing some last-minute studying, I flipped to the back of the Science of Mind text and started reading Ernest Holmes take on the teachings of Jesus. One of the concepts jumped out at me - "Quench not the Spirit".
He says that we are not to extinguish the Inner Light of our God-self but to express ALL of our emotions.
"If the artist suppressed all spiritual emotion, he would never be a great artist. In art, we call this emotion temperament; in oratory, we call it inspiration; and in purely spiritual things, we call it Illumination. Somewhere the soul must stand naked to the Truth, if it is to receive It in all Its fullness."
What this says to me is that I need to embrace the human side of me that is imperfect and - knowing that underneath it all is the perfection of Spirit - I must be willing to make mistakes. I must be willing to feel anxious but not linger there.
Trusting this, as I move away from resisting life and instead, allow life to unfold, I will see the fruits of my thoughts just as a great artist sees his/her painting become a masterpiece.
Not only that but if I lean into "Quench not the Spirit", I am called to see how far I can let my sense of allowing go. If everything in the Universe has been designed to handhold me through a beautiful life, why would I not be open to allowing?
I am here to express my passion in my unique way. No one will express it in the way that I do. So as I feel the test anxiety creep up on me and wonder if I am "perfect" enough to be a licensed Practitioner, I can remember the truth that this is another step in uncovering my Spiritual perfection.
I will be a Practitioner in a way that no one else will or can be.
And I don't need to show up only when I can get high marks on a test. I can wake up and show up and begin to understand my part in the Universe.
It is necessary for me to be here at this time. And the fact that I am here says it all.
So where are YOU letting thoughts of perfection hold you back from sharing your passion?
Today, I set the intention to show up even when I might not be perfect, knowing that I have gifts to share that are uniquely mine and I am here to make a difference.
"...what I understand now is that life is not about avoiding pain; it's about
going through it and continuing on. Growth is what we are here for."
"We can only learn to know ourselves and do what we can - namely,
surrender our will and fulfill God's will in us."
Rejoicing in the awareness that there is only One Divine Omnipresence at the essence of everything, there is a peace that passes understanding. This Presence is right action and perfect order. It is Infinite Life that knows only grace, only beauty, only ease and only joy.
With a consciousness of this One as my center, I know that everything this Presence is, is all contained within me. It is a consciousness of greatness that moves through me and has Its being in me. And this Creative Brilliance flows around me, designing a roadmap for me that is always guiding me to reach for more - more ease, more grace, more time for stillness.
Claiming this gift of Creative Brilliance that energizes my life, I release the need to be perfect and I simply start from where I am now. I do not have to settle for anything less than what I am called to be as I step into my unique magnificence. And I accept the harmony that is everywhere I go as I take this knowing of my magnificence with me each day. Realizing that what I hold in my heart is a sacred gift, I simply allow Spirit to do Its work through me and I flow with the current, grabbing each experience to be in service as I am called.
I am so very grateful for this truth as I remain open at the top to the divine flow of Life. I give thanks for the harmony and peace that allows me to be still and allows my life to unfold in beautiful ways. And I am filled with gratitude for a Universe that says Yes! - you are vital and important and here for a purpose.
From this place of gratitude, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it moves from thought into form as I write these words. Life is brilliant and beautiful! And I let it be so. And so it is.
Photo courtesy of David Jubert/Flickr