Looking back as 2013 has come to a close, I realize that I had become afraid to give for fear of lack and not being able to provide for myself or my children. Of course, I am now very clear as to how the Universe works. The tighter we hold on to the cash, especially when we can feel the worry and anxiety of "not enough", the less the cash seems to come to us.
And - the Universe tends to deliver us the lessons we need to learn around things like money. Not always in gentle ways, I might add, but definitely in ways that get our attention and get us to listen.
So, in this last year, I've gotten my finances sorted out and am on a budget that works, thanks to help from my husband. However, I'm still facing some demons in my giving financial help to others.
I've included intentional giving in my budget and am able to stick to that. But - when I meet someone who's asking for money, I am torn with guilt - and that's guilt on both sides of the coin.
I'm happy to give a dollar or two but, quite frankly, it starts to add up and my budget gets out of whack. Then, I feel guilty about not sticking to my budget. But, when I choose to say "sorry, not today", I still feel guilty because, let's face it - I just walked out of Trader Joe's with $50 of food. Who am I to not give someone a few bucks?
To be in integrity with myself, what is starting to feel right is to listen to when I feel called to give - to not give out of guilt but to give because I feel the love in the moment. And, to give within my budget.
I don't have to be everyone's Sugar Mama. I am okay to occasionally simply give a silent blessing of love and light. I have still given something precious - it's just not in money form.
I have had my financial wake-up call and I have come out the other side of it in much better shape. Maybe, when I DON'T give, it's because the Universe is moving the other person toward their wake-up call. Sometimes, it takes a dark night of the soul to realize we need to re-connect to our Source, to Spirit.
In either case, I now live in a place of trust that I am always provided for, regardless of the form it takes. And, I have faith that I am giving in perfect and right ways - either financially or with my time or in a silent prayer. I will not love myself less for the choice I make nor will the Universe.
So, how do YOU view giving?
Today I set the intention to practice intentional giving, releasing any judgements against myself when I choose to say "no" and to be open when I am called to say "yes".
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
"At all times, I am aware of my immediate Oneness with God.
There comes a warm sense of my oneness in essence
and experience with all the good there is."
In the stillness of this moment, there is a Oneness, a Divine Intelligence, that is everywhere present and always available. It is heard in a bird's song and in the gurgling of a running stream of beautiful blue water. It is felt in the warmth of the sun and in the cold of the blanket of white snow that covers the fields and mountains.
Leaning into this moment, there is a knowing that I am one with this Divine Intelligence. It lives within and has Its being in me. It is God manifest in me and it is perfect just as I am perfect, whole and complete.
From this place of Oneness, I realize that I am abundance, I am prosperity and I am generosity itself. I trust that as I circulate, it is returned to me multiplied. I release any fears around lack, knowing that I am guided by a Divine Presence in all things, including giving. I will always give in perfect and right ways when I stop and tune into my heart, into that space that knows Divine timing and Divine order. And I release any judgments I have about myself and others, with the faith that there is a higher power for good that knows better than me when I am called to say "no". I am the beloved and I step boldly forward into perfect, right action each and every day.
I am so grateful for this life of ever-growing prosperity and financial abundance that allows me to give in ways that are meaningful to me. And I am thankful for a Universe that is supporting me and sustaining me and is filling me with a wisdom that goes beyond what I have experience before.
From this place of thanks, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is already done. My life is filling up with blessings. And I let it be so. And so it is.