Bite My Tongue

Every relationship has some things that work and some things that don't work.  Our spiritual practice has helped Kevin and I to enjoy what is working and to recognize what isn't working, and to adjust to what is not working long before it becomes a real issue.

The one area I've noticed that I'm still challenged in is speaking before I think.  When my buttons are pushed, only recently have I learned to take a deep breath, and rather than my normal knee jerk reaction to the situation, I bite my tongue - mostly.

At this new level in our relationship, it's not so important for me to be right or to make the other person wrong.  Instead, there is an acknowledgement of the difference and, if it's needed, we can set a time to discuss the issue when neither of us is so heated about the situation.

When we do sit to down to talk about the problem, we've also set a guideline to start with something positive about the other person. It's amazing to see our conversation unfold when we've acknowledged some small thing about the other person that makes us happy.

Ultimately, we've come out of this feeling closer in our marriage.  Neither of us is perfect.  We're doing the best we can.  But, we're doing it together and that keeps us moving forward.

So, today I set the intention to recognize its not so important for ME to be right, but to accept my part in making my relationship the thing that is right.

"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions 

to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods." 

~Denis Waitley

Affirmative prayer:
Taking a breath and moving into this moment now, there is the recognition of the all-good that is God.  It is the sense of peace that flows through the stillness.  It is the feeling of love that surrounds all that is.

This Divine Presence flows through me, speaking as my soul's desire.  I am a unique expression of Spirit, revealing the highest and best good for myself and for others I meet during my day.

Focusing on my heart's desire, I am led into a closer relationship with my husband, with family and with friends.  I welcome the closeness in my marriage as I practice thinking before I speak.  I accept the growing sense of peace and love that fills me as I remain mindful in my conversations with friends and family.  I embrace the beautiful truth that something within me keeps me balanced in all of my relationships at work and at home.  And I affirm that as I give my attention to the good I see in other's relationships and communication, that same good is revealed in the words and body language I use in my conversations.

I am so grateful for the awareness that Spirit lifts me into a greater expression of what is possible each and every day.  I am thankful that I am free to shine in my relationships, allowing my personality to shine.  And I say Thank You, Sweet Spirit, for all this good and so much more.

From this place of deep gratitude, I release my prayer to the Law of Mind, knowing it is already done.  I experience peace and joy in this release and I celebrate the good I witness.  And I let it be so.  Amen.  Alleluia.  And so it is.

Photo: my own

Can Your Relationship Handle IKEA?

That was the headline in the Personal Journal section of the Wall Street Journal last week.  And I can see where the strain of remodeling your kitchen or living room is put under more pressure as you and your mate/partner try to agree on home furnishing choices.

According to one of the Journal's experts, "The store literally becomes a map of a relationship nightmare.  Walking through the kitchens brings up touchy subjects, like who does most of the cooking.  Then you get to the children's section, which opens up another set of issues.  And that's before you've even tried assembling anything."

Knowing that Kevin and I will be making changes to our new home once the purchase is complete, I immediately thought that this wouldn't apply to us.  But, truthfully, we could easily slip into a disagreement....unless we take action.

The other expert in the article laid out some beautiful questions to explore in an effort to avoid an IKEA meltdown.

"Underneath, every discussion is really about how important am I to you?  How important is my comfort and happiness to you?  If I want this couch, and it's important to me, then why isn't it important enough to you?"

Now that I have read this article, I believe it's worth taking the time to explore these questions out loud before we start down the path of shopping for our new home.

What I ALSO know is that the Universe continues to set me up to be successful and this time, it's success in my relationship.  Had I not happened to read this article, it might have been a completely different experience.

Instead, I have an opportunity to develop a game plan, an opportunity to grow in my relationship with my husband and to thank the Universe for helping me be prepared.

So, today, I set the intention to step beyond the possibility of an IKEA meltdown moment and take the responsibility to talk about our vision BEFORE we step foot in a store.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it."  

~Helen Keller

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."  

~Thomas Jefferson

Affirmative Prayer:
Embracing the freedom of this moment, there is the recognition of the One Creative Intelligence.  It is goodness and joy that is the consciousness of Life.

Leaning into this goodness, I let go of any thoughts of separateness and sit with the knowing that this Creative Intelligence lives, moves and has Its being in me.  I am the place where Spirit shows up.  I am the place where Heaven touches Earth.

In this moment, I open to the full potential of who I am.  An awareness of how good my relationships can be starts to take shape and I welcome the personal growth that comes from honest conversation.  My relationship with my husband blossoms as I let go of complaining and focus on open and loving communication. And as I step into the life I am here to live, the right and perfect guidance from the Universe makes its way to me and I celebrate it.

Saying Yes to Life, I am filled with gratitude for the courage to take the next step in my relationships.  I give thanks for the joy that surrounds me as I take the guidance from Spirit and apply it to my life.  And I am grateful that I am being shaped into a person that I want to spend time with.

From this place of deep, deep thanks, I release my prayer to the One Divine Consciousness, knowing it is already done.  I am renewed and life is good.  And I let it be so.  And so it is.

Photo courtesy of Jason OX4/Flickr

Relationships As Mirrors

Relationships are great mirrors, reflecting back who we truly are.  And, for some reason, I seem to attract friends whose lives are filled with drama.  So, I have to question why I get so close to a dramatic person in the first place?  What is it that attracts me?  Am I that filled with drama?

I never notice any drama as I first get to know someone and start spending time with them.  I suppose I'm more focused on the things we have in common and the fun I have with someone who sees things from a different perspective.

After a while though, it seems that those similar qualities we share cause me to almost compete as the new friendship develops.

They mention they know someone whose charismatic and fairly high up in an organization and I start to shamelessly name-drop.

They talk about a favorite trip to some absolutely stunning place and I rattle off the places I've been fortunate to visit.

And, after about 6 months or so, our friendship has reached a place where they are having a major life crisis; a love relationship break-down that is never their fault and we have to re-hash every horrible thing their lover has done OR a financial catastrophe where it is over the top suffering and crying and wailing with very little constructive talk happening OR calls and texts at all hours and if I don't respond right away, I'm the bad person and must not like them anymore.

It can be such a complete switch in our relationship, going from ME trying to one-up THEM to THEM having one crisis after another.   So, if relationships are a mirror, does my trying to compete reveal the internal drama I need to resolve?  Is it a peek into my relationship with myself?

Doing some soul-searching, I can see that my push to compete comes from me needing to feel worthy enough of this friendship.  And, from this consciousness of unworthiness, it seems I am attracting drama, attracting people who feel even more unworthy than me and who express it in very vocal and visible ways.

It's a fascinating insight and shows me what I believe subconsciously as far as my relationship with myself.  I believe that I love myself but maybe I need to FEEL it more.  I believe that I trust myself but maybe I need to FEEL it more.  Feelings seem trump everything.

This is my opportunity to do the work.  I can do better at loving myself.  And, from there, I can attract more loving relationships; true friendships that are less about drama and more about connecting, soul to soul.

So, what do YOU see in the mirror when you look at your relationships?

Today, I set the intention to nurture and support and be honest with myself, knowing that as I feel love for myself, that love is reflected back to me in my relationships.

"It is nice to have money when you need it, nice to be free from pain, but it is more

 wonderful to have no fear and no uncertainty and have confidence in the 

Universe and love for each other and a depth of feeling that will not be disturbed."  

~Ernest Holmes

"We are the means by which the earth becomes heaven."  

~Raymond Charles Barker

Affirmative Prayer:
There is a brilliance in this moment; a vibrancy that can only be Spirit, delighting in life - spectacular, amazing, jubilant.  This Divine Presence that delights in life also delights in me;  expressing as me, working through me, opening windows and doors that allow my light to shine brightly and beautifully.

Opening up to the Power of Grace, I surrender and let my life flow with ease.  I am willing to see the best in myself and let that be reflected back to me in all of my relationships.  I keep an open mind  and an open heart, having patience and compassion through the process of mastering my life.  I am in control of what I choose to feel and I choose to see that life is so good.  Love points the way and I live from the knowing that I am free to let go of competing and to cooperate so that my highest and best is revealed.  My days are transformed as I see that through all situations and circumstances, I can delight in the evolution of my soul.

Welcoming the joy and happiness that are my divine birthright, I am filled with gratitude as I see the best in everyone.  I am thankful that I am guided and protected as I make new choices in friends based on the new choices within me.  And I am grateful that the lightness in my heart allows me to unconditionally accept myself as I nurture my growth and transformation.

From a deep place of peace, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is done and made manifest in perfect ways.  My life overflows with good.  And I let it be so.  And so it is.

Photo courtesy of Justin Kern/Flickr

Traces Of Being Deeply Loved And Loving Deeply

I am an introvert.  My plan for Saturday is stay home in my pajamas, finish reading Gone Girl, and get someone else to take the dog for a walk.

My other half, Kevin, is an extrovert.  His plan for Saturday is to watch college football and have a group of friends over for dinner.

It's ironic but I believe the Universe, in It's wisdom, has brought us together for exactly that reason  - because we are complete opposites in our need to recharge.

When I look at it more closely, I can see that for each of us, our relationships can stagnate when we are too much alike.  But, when there are contrasting personalities and uncomfortable moments, we are called to grow out of our comfort zone.

So, how else can I learn compromise but by having to negotiate for some "me" time on Saturday.  And, how else can I learn compassion but by acknowledging his desire for group activities with family and friends.

On the flip side, I can see times where Kevin realizes that I need my "recharge time" and will offer to give me my space to nap on the couch or binge-watch House of Cards.

Admittedly, reaching this point didn't happen in the beginning of our marriage.  But - we knew enough that if we wanted a different partnership this time around, we would have to do things differently.

Our approach in our first marriages simply didn't work.  Our approach in this marriage is to realize that there are lessons to be learned, to notice when things seem to get painful, and to make space to give each other what we need at that time.

I absolutely believe the Universe paired us up as we placed our demands on it for a loving, beautiful partnership and healthy relationship.  And, it's been an opportunity for both of us to go from something that was merely good to a marriage that is filled with genius.

So, what choices are you making in YOUR relationships?  Are you learning from past relationship mistakes?

Today, I set the intention to see that when I make demands on the Universe for something even better and take a new approach toward life, I am supported in going from good to brilliant.

"Spiritual growth involves giving up the stories of your past so the Universe can write a new one."  ~Marianne Williamson

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."  ~Lao Tzu

Affirmative Prayer:
In this moment, I let go of any decision that needs to be made and simply choose to be still.  And in that stillness is the all-good of Life.  It is the Infinite Intelligence that is steeped in joy.  It is the Creative Wisdom that sings with beauty and harmony.

Centering in this knowing, I open up and allow the recognition to blossom that I am one with this Infinite Intelligence and Creative Wisdom.  I am peace, allowing for Spirit's love to guide my steps and surround me with grace.  I am abundance, available to be the channel for Life's good to flow through me and around me.

Embracing the desires of my soul for a beautiful, healthy relationship, I let go of what didn't serve me before and open up to a marriage that is aligned with my highest good.  I am not trapped by the differences but am called to rise up to be more of the love and joy that is my true nature.  I welcome the contrasts in my partnership and trust that, as I make a choice to be compassionate, that compassion is returned to me many times overs.  I accept the uncomfortable moments, having faith that they will pass and be revealed to hold a pearl of wisdom that let's each of us shine in ways that are brilliant and amazing.

I am so thankful for a Source that is always giving of Itself to each of us.  I am filled with gratitude for the learning that continues to transform my marriage, knowing that with each lesson, it gets easier and easier to be a peaceful presence.  And I give great thanks for the courage and strength to open up and be exactly who I am, having faith that I am always supported by the Divine.

From a place of joy and beauty and abundance, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is already done.  I am filled with exhilaration and happiness and sit in expectancy of ever increasing good.  And I let it be so.  And so it is.

Photo courtesy of Georgie Pauwels/Flickr

Do You Teach People To Treat You With Love?

When you become mindful of YOUR role in relationships, it will magnify every move you make.  As I take my own advice and pay attention to my relationships, what has become clear is that we teach people how to treat us.

So, as I point fingers and lay the blame at others feet OR as I wield my sword in an effort to convince people to do things my way, they learn that it's okay to attack back and, often, they cross the line in arguments and disagreements and become the bigger bully than me.

It's interesting what shows up when we make the decision to start focusing attention in a certain area.  For me, I never realized that I could be the catalyst of escalating arguments in an effort to direct things the way I think they should go - until now.  

Now that I've noticed this truth about me, I have the opportunity to stop and lay down my sword and instead, simply stand firm in my power.  I can still have a backbone when it comes to expressing my opinions.  But - I could be a kinder, gentler version of me when something needs to be hashed out.

There is always a dance between the spiritual side of me and the human side of me.  And, I believe it's being aware of this dance that allows me to grow.

Just because I am a spiritual being does not mean that I have to let people put unreasonable demands on me.  It's okay for me to say no.  And just because my human side seems "bad" sometimes, it surfaces so I can change and evolve and work out why I am triggered in some areas of my life.

It's ultimately about clarity.  And as I break the cycle of what people have been taught about how to treat ME, it's quite possible that I am helping others gain some insight about how THEY are being treated.  Funny how the Universe works - there's usually a lesson for everyone in these shared experiences.

As I continue to stand in my power, in every moment, I need to be mindful of what I am allowing to happen in my relationships.  The more I stay mindful, the more I will experience relationships that are filled with peace; where I can clear the air with someone else coming from a place of love and NOT control.

It is something I am willing to work on, that's for sure!

So, what in YOUR relationships are you teaching people about how to treat you?  And are you willing to make a change if you'd like a different experience?

Today, I set the intention to be willing to take a different approach in my relationships, dropping my sword and choosing a peaceful path to working things out.

"At the end of each day, you should play back the tapes of your performance.  

The results should either applaud you or prod you."  

~Jim Rohn

"Give the gift of unconditional love. Allow others to be who they are

 with no conditions or desires to change them.  Find joy and peace

 in the differences of everyone.  Purify your life, and forgive with no expectations."  

~don Jose, The Universe of Now

Affirmative Prayer:
Consciously allowing my heart to open, there is the recognition of a Divine Presence that is the life force of all that is.  It is a loving Infinite Intelligence that is always present, supporting and activating possibilities for the brilliance in all things.  It is Divine Wisdom that is patience and kindness, mercy and grace, beyond what can even be imagined.

How wonderful for this moment and the knowing that all that is within the One Infinite Power is also within me.   I am becoming more of who I am as I embrace the sacred presence of the Divine Life that sustains me and loves me unconditionally.  At my core, I am strength and harmony and peace and I am transformed as Source expresses Itself as me in every minute of the day.

Allowing Spirit to move through me, I accept the joy that fills all of my relationships as I see the presence of Spirit in everyone I share this life with.  I wake up to the knowing that in every moment I can choose to be love and let go of anger, I can choose wisdom and let go of jealousy, and I can choose beauty and let go of hatred.  I start my day in faith and trust that I simply need to take one step at a time, just as a small child learns to walk, and I am guided in every small step that I take.  I am supported joyfully by a Source that knows only good and I welcome the optimism that allows me to see that good is everywhere I look.  I teach people how to treat me from a place of love and I see that love reflected in the healing and transformation of other's relationships.  

Centering in the joy and happiness that is always available, I am filled with thanks for the Divine guidance that lights my way.  I am deeply grateful for the amazing relationships that are unfolding as I gain clarity in how I treat others and how they, in turn, treat me.  I am thankful for the transformation of my life as I grow through my experiences and evolve into a more balanced spiritual being have a human existence.

Remaining in that feeling tone of gratitude, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is already done.  I am already that which I desire.  And I let it be so.  And so it is.

Photo courtesy of Dr. Azzacov/Flickr

Why I Am Grateful for Vulnerability

"People who recognize your beauty, see you truly."  ~Alan Cohen

I was talking to a friend about relationships and it occurred to me, Am I focused on what bothers me or am I focused on what I value in my relationships?

There is really no way around it - relationships take work and that includes the relationship we have with ourselves.  Part of that work requires that we become vulnerable as we open up to others and as we do the inner work to heal old wounds we may be carrying around.

Vulnerable. 

That word alone has some serious power behind it for me.  If I open up to make a true connection with someone, will that be honored?  Can I trust that I won't be hurt if I allow others to see who I really am?

I get so much from my relationships but I want to be safe.  I want to share my thoughts and feelings but I fear opening up too much.

At the other end of the spectrum, I probably open up too much with my husband.   It's easy to criticize and nit-pick at him when I'm having one of those days.  Why do we always seem to lash out as those we love the most?

Fortunately, as I do the work, I'm learning to recognize the signs and to self-correct so that I can appreciate the good in my relationships.

And - that's really the first step - appreciation.  Cultivating being in gratitude for friends, for family, for acquaintances and all of their best qualities has surprisingly resulted in having those same qualities mirrored back to me.  As I am grateful for the easy-going attitude of a girlfriend or for the silliness of my daughter that always puts a smile on my face, I find that I can give those good feelings back.

I am also finding that self-love is an important part of the equation.  The more I am accepting of loving others right where they are in their journey, the more I am kind to myself and open to embracing every aspect of my personality.   I can release the fear and allow my relationships to thrive.

We are all doing the best we can with what we have, in this moment.  So, what do you value in your relationships?

Today, I set the intention to seek what I value in each and every relationship, grateful for the heartfelt connection I have with others as we open up and trust one another.

"For to be free is not to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that 

respects and enhances the freedom of others."  

~Nelson Mandela

"One of the first things to do, is to love everybody.  If you have not done 

this, begin to do so at once.  There is always more good than bad

 in people, and seeing the good tends to bring it forth." 

 ~Ernest Holmes, The Science of Mind

Affirmative Prayer:
With each breath that is taken, there is a knowing that there is only Source, only Substance, only Supply.  It is everywhere present and always available, as Spirit, as God, as the Universe.

This Source and Substance is also present and available, as me and through me.  And I embrace this truth - that Life expresses all around me with joy and with compassion, with freedom and with love.  Just as my breath flows in and out, so I flow with this presence of Spirit within.

Claiming that Life is for me, I speak my word from this place of good.  Every experience and every connection that I make is from a knowing of pure Spirit, revealing the beauty that comes from being in relationship.  The sharing of thoughts and hopes and dreams is part of the journey and I am blessed with a life that unfolds in prosperous and abundant ways.  I am free to be exactly who I am, sharing my gifts and talents and seeing the value in all who happen upon my path in this life.   And as I step out in faith, taking action as I am guided by intuition, I accept the miracles, big and small, that manifest in perfect, Divine timing.

I am profoundly grateful for this journey, filled with rich experiences of live well-lived.  And I am thankful for the unlimited possibilities of every-increasing good that are revealed to me each day.  I am filled with gratitude for the magnificence of the abundance that surrounds me and the prosperity that moves through me.

And from this place of gratitude, I release my Word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is already done.  It is here now.  And I let it be so.  And so it is.

Relationships Are Like Riding A Bike

In The Science of Mind, Ernest Holmes teaches, “People are dying for real human interest, for genuine friendship, for someone to tell them they are all right.  We always welcome the man who looks at the world as his friend and loves it.”  For me, there is no better way to further my spiritual growth than to spend time with others, whether they are family, friends or complete strangers.   

It is an opportunity to move further away from my ego – “They have more than me”, “I’m better dressed than she is” – and move closer to embracing the truth that this is a loving, supportive, friendly Universe.

The challenge for me, I’ve noticed, lies in cultivating relationships.  It’s easy for me to meet people and I am filled with a genuine curiosity for each new person I have a chance to interact with.  

But - when the relationship starts to evolve into something that might be a friendship, partnership, or business interest, I find that I subconsciously put up barriers to deflect anything going beyond a surface level acquaintance. 

Knowing this is happening, I have started putting myself into places and situations where I can develop deeper relationships.  To give you an idea -  I love to run and bike so I have joined training groups where we share a similar interest and I see the same people regularly. 

This has forced me to become more of a “friend” – to offer to carpool to a racing event, to accept an invitation for lunch after a bike ride – and as I become more of a friend, I am seeing more friendships develop in my life.

As a result, I find that my spiritual growth is deepening as well.  I am more and more able to see the indwelling Spirit within each individual.  

And - if there is a lesson for me to learn in the relationship, I more easily accept that lesson and let things unfold, using my spiritual practices to remain in integrity with myself through the growth. 

Relationships are often like riding a bike.  Along the way, there will be rough terrain, smooth curves, speed bumps or flat tires.  They are all opportunities to learn how to continue to pedal and ride with ease regardless of the circumstances.  And, before I realize it, I have fallen in love with riding a bike – with the journey and the chances to get back on the bike as often as I can. 

So, today, I set the intention to embrace the adventure of life, knowing I am attracting powerful relationships that are for everyone's highest and best good.

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality.  

To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."  

~Buckminster Fuller

"If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails 

and a fresh box of crayons for everyone."  

~Robert Fulghum

Affirmative Prayer:

In this moment, there is only One - one Divine Presence and Divine Power that surrounds all that is. This Presence and Power is in every fiber, weaving through the fabric of life in beautiful and magnificent ways.  

Breathing in this magnificence, there is a knowing that this Presence and Power that I call Spirit is moving through me, around me and having Its being as me.  I am transformed as I allow myself to go with the flow of the Divine Intelligence that blesses my life as I surrender to this consciousness.

Every day, life flows through me with grace and with ease.  And, as I step up and meet new people, I know that I am always in the right place at the right time.  I attract relationships that will reveal my destiny and I dive deep into the relationship, being fully who I am meant to be.  I trust that as I am a friend to others, my friendships and partnerships are reflected back to me as I move through the twists and turns that make my life such a glorious adventure.  And I am always at peace, knowing I am exactly where I need to be in every moment.

I am so grateful for the good I receive every day, the good that shows up in amazing abundant ways.  And I give great thanks for the people who reveal the God within to show me how beautiful true relationships can be.  I am filled with gratitude for the love that is expressed fully and deeply as I connect to Source in simple prayer and thanksgiving.

From this place of thanks, I release my word to the Divine Action of the Law, knowing it is already done.  The dreams and desires of my heart are here now.  And I let it be so.  And so it is!